Braggadocios

           

I spent last Friday evening with my boys.  Zane went to prom with a friend.  It was a big deal for him since he didn't get his Senior Prom last year due to COVID.  I needed to be there to do the "Mom thing" and take pictures.  It was important to me to be a part of it, for him. As I finished up with Zane, Quade got off work and was able to meet me for dinner.  It was an odd feeling driving the hour and a half drive home to an empty house. It made me feel quite introspective.

Time has flown.  Eight years on our own.  They are not little boys anymore, but, still MY man-children nonetheless.  They are both living in Tulsa without me.  Quade is a mechanic and has his own apartment. Zane is working hard at Amazon and looking for a place with a friend. Our relationships have changed from parenting to helping them navigate adulthood.  They are figuring it out.  I love how they're taking the non-traditional school route and doing what they love. Cars. We talk everyday, Facetime, calls, and texts.  I get random "Have a good day, Mom. I love you!" texts.  Or "Momma, storms are coming your way."  The calls about girls from first date to the break up.  How was work? Even the calls to borrow money.  We laugh and cuss and argue over politics.  All the things.  

I canNOT imagine not having them in my life. I bought their first ties.  I gave them "THE sex talk".  Showed them how to shave.  Bought them their first suits.  We helped each other navigate life back in Okie-land.  I can't imagine them not knowing what country I am in.  Not wishing them happy birthday, graduation, how was your day, are you healthy during a global pandemic? I can't imagine having a disagreement and cutting them off.  I've fought like hell for our relationships to be the best they can be.  The highs and lows of watching them grow into young men has been all my own.  And I do own it.  All of it.  I'm proud of me and them. 💘

 

Civics Lesson

   Liberation Day, August 15, 2013 in the RoK was definitely an interesting one for Zane and I.  We were on a mission to head to Nakwon, an area in Seoul where you can buy anything related to music.  It's also near Insadong, a popular area for tourists to visit to buy crafts, paper goods, art supplies and souvenirs.  

   Our day started like any other, headed on the 5500 bus, standing room only.  Also, as usual, was the traffic.  Bumper to bumper.  But, we were moving at a pretty good pace until we rounded the curve near Itaewon.  Then, we came to a virtual standstill.  The trip shouldn't be taking this long.

   I contemplated getting off the bus when we were near Myeongdong, an area I've been too a few times for clothes shopping, but decided to continue on.  After about 10 more minutes of barely moving, and now 2:00 pm, a police officer directing traffic at an intersection approached the bus driver and spoke to him in Korean (of course).  We began seeing people walking by in hiking gear, carrying flags.  Many people got off the bus at the next stop, Zane and I decided to jump off the bus, too, to grab a bite to eat before finding a subway line to take us further.

   We found a Subway sandwich shop and ordered a couple 6 in. turkeys. {A taste of home!} As we ate our lunch, we watched through the restaurant window as several hundred people walked by.  The only flag I could read said "Korean Youth Solidarity".  Everyone was walking in an orderly manner, not saying a word.

   After lunch, Zane and I continued down the block.  As we crossed the nearest intersection, Zane pointed out the protesters gathering at the end of the street running perpendicular to the one we were on.  I snapped this photo while we were in the crosswalk.

   Because I speak no Korean, I was carefully watching the people around me.  They were carrying on as usual.  Walking along.  On cell phones.  A few looked down the street, but others paid no attention.  We kept walking as well.  In that block, we passed a music store.  Neither one of us really "feeling" like staying out much longer, we went in and bought the drumsticks and pad he needed.

   Mission Accomplished, we turned back the way we came, thinking we'd walk back to Myeongdong, where I knew exactly where the subway and bus stops were, before heading home.

   As we approached the intersection where I'd taken the pic about 30 minutes earlier, it was blocked by a huge police presence.

  We were able to get through when a large group of people who had been waiting to cross the street waded out in a gap in the officers.  We headed to the door of the shop on the corner, a Patagonia, and watched the officers moving down the street.  Suddenly, they all surged forward, we heard a "pop" and we saw smoke.  The crowd down the street started to disburse quickly.  Our cue to exit!  

  As no buses were running through the area, I decided we'd find a subway stop, and started walking.      We'd gone a few blocks when we came upon what I thought was an art installation.  Large, blank concrete panels.  As I passed, I turned to look over my shoulder and saw the graffiti on the opposite side.  I stopped in my tracks and told Zane to turn around.  It was a section of the Berlin Wall! 

   As we continued to walk, we talked about what we'd just experienced.  The past and the present and the meaning of it all.   

  We found the nearest subway stop, and as we boarded the train, I thought of all the experiences my boys will be able to take back to the US with them, and how thankful I am to be able to give them this gift.  
 

Finding my Morning Calm

  I have not been to church in a while.  When we were little, in our little Baptist church on Ridge Drive we used to give our "testimonies".   In between the grown-ups talking about how the Lord had changed their lives, we little ones would take our turns and say "I just want to stand up and say 'I love the Lord!'"  Such a simple statement.  So pure and innocent.  

  

  It's funny how things appear just when you need them and make you remember little scenes like that from so long ago.  I had posted this verse while recovering from cancer in 2011: 

 

  

It was as important a verse to me that morning as it is today, five years later.  

  What we didn't make public at that time was that for years, we were dealing with an addiction to alcohol in our house.  Folks, addiction and the emotional abuse that accompanies it, ruined our family.  It drove out all the love we once had and replaced it with fear, bitterness and anger.  Divorce doesn't cancel it out.  It doesn't make it go away.  It doesn't matter what continent you live on, you cannot run from it.  The ONLY way to heal the wounds and start rebuilding relationships and trust is to make true change; to face your demons through faith and treatment.  Divorce doesn't make you stop wanting the person to change.  Though the relationship has ended, you still pray for healing. Healing of trust, healing of relationships, and healing of the physical body.  

  After my divorce, I have done my best to let go of the anger I felt.  It's an ongoing process for me while my former husband still struggles with alcohol.  Because we have children, my anger flares again after every incident with their dad.  Though they are old enough to make their own relationships with him, when they are affected, so am I.  I use each incident as a guide, helping them work through it, and learn something from it.  

The lesson this week is that ignoring the actions of the addict continues to enable them.   Their actions have consequences.  Yet, being angry only allows for further manipulation and control. We must set healthy boundaries, even if that means excluding them from our lives. 

  Talking about the effects of the addiction helps.  Knowing you are not alone has helped tremendously.  I have had many angels along the way, who I know God has placed in my path, to help me deal.  Some have counseled, some have just been a shoulder upon which to cry, or a ready ear to let me vent.  Many are strong women who have been through it themselves.  A few are men who have been through similar situations with their fathers.  

  I woke up this morning to a gentle rain falling.  Lying there listening I came to the realization that while here in the Land of the Morning Calm, I have reclaimed my life, my strength.  I have worked very hard through the years to show my boys that truly, you can do all things through your faith.  I believe that we were meant to come to Korea for this reason.  I have been shown that no matter where you are on the planet, God will be there too.  All you have to do is look for the love he shows you.

  

  If I can show my boys and others that you can come through the fire and be strong on the other side, then the pain will have been worth it. 
  

Random Rant....

   
Random Rant Upon Viewing Social Media & Seeing There Was ANOTHER Mass Shooting


   I don't have cable.  I get to tune out.  I don't have to listen to politicians droning on about what they are going to do to help the American people during their term in office.  In turn, I don't have to witness everything staying the same.  
   
   When I left Oklahoma, where I was born and raised, I considered myself a pretty conservative Republican.  I mean, I was even a member of my local Southern Baptist Church. But, Folks, I've seen stuff.  I've traveled.  I've met people.  I started having THOUGHTS.  So, I took an online quiz to figure me out.  And, low and behold, I'm a moderate Democrat.  I could almost hear my father, God rest his soul, curse under his breath in my ear.  
   Thing is though, I have friends from all over the world, with such different views on these hot topics, it'd give you whiplash from the swing.  Guess what, they are my friends.  We get a long.  I respect their views.
   I'll be moving back to the U.S. after this school year.  I'm becoming more and more acutely aware of the turmoil in my home country.  As a single woman, a mother, it is particularly disturbing.  My oldest son will be moving home as an adult.  My youngest son will be entering high school.  I'll be living in the U.S. as a single woman.  It all scares the crap out of me.  
   
   So, this is what I'm seeing after 3+ years living abroad....

   We have elected officials who try to do their jobs, and have good intentions, who quickly find that their hands are tied.  Like this guy. Others, on either side of the aisle, have been in their seats so long they have a permanent butt dent in the cushion of their rollie chair.  They are perfectly content with status quo and all the money from donors and lobbies to keep their bellies fat. 
   
   Fix this. Roll your ass to the middle of the aisle. Freakin' work together. Shut your mouth and actively listen to your constituents and your colleagues.  
   
   Fix our problem with mass shootings.  
   Fix our problem with access to mental health care.
   Fix our problem with health care.
   Fix our problem with education funding and pay for teachers what they're worth.
   Fix our problem with accessibility to affordable secondary education.


   Here's the thing:  Since 1995, as a U.S. public school teacher I've taught this listening skill to really small children.  I didn't say hearing. Key root word here is listen. There is a difference.  
   If you don't understand it, I'll sit down and educate you.  Upon entering my classroom you might have to step over my rolling cart that carries papers I'll grade at home after I get home from my second job I had to take to pay for insurance and my son's college education. You'll just have to excuse the ceiling tiles falling down around our heads & bullets whizzing past our ears (but, I'll use my own body to shield you because our security guard can't carry).  I'll offer you my own wheelie chair to sit on.  It had a wheel break off last year, so I had to remove the other three and cover the stubs with used tennis balls.  But, it still works. I'll move my little metal chair across the aisle so you can listen close.  

  I'll continue to do my job. 

  Please do yours.   

  
    

One Odd Year

  One Odd Year.  

  That's what the front of my Senior yearbook from 1991 has on it.  I've thought a lot about that year for lots of reasons in the last few months.  It applied then, as it does now.

  We started this journey to teach in South Korea as a family of four.  Now, there are only three of us here to further our adventure.  

  Korea isn't to blame for my marriage breaking apart, just know that you can move across the U.S of A, or even try a new continent, but your troubles follow you.  Korea is just what this small town Oklahoma girl needed to find her big ajumma panties and decide to go it alone.  I have found 'me' again in the Land of the Morning Calm.  

   Korea is a safe place for a single mother.  I still go anywhere, even after dark.  I let the boys go on the subway without fear.  There is always someone who speaks enough English to be helpful.  It's hard for family and friends who have not experienced this place to understand this, but, spend a month here and you'll soon realize it's true.  

  I thought I'd document my One Odd Year, 2013, for posterity.  A year ago, I named this blog Seoul Pokes, because we were two Oklahoma State grads (aka Pokes).  Now, we're one grad and two OSU legacies.  So, it still works! 

  If I ask my boys, Quade (or Will as he likes to be called in Korea because the Q doesn't translate) and Zane (he doesn't care the Z doesn't translate), what their favorite thing about Korea is...besides their independence...they'd say FOOD!  We love to eat out and we love to cook in.  I try to vary the stores I shop at because they all offer a different variety of Western foods.  Keeping our diet pretty normal and eating Korean at school or when we go out seems to help with homesickness, too.  As funny as it may seem.  I frequent Emart in Jukejon, Homeplus in Ori, Kim's Club in Migeum, I Love Cookie.com in Jeongja. I also head to EMart Trader's in Guseong and Costco in Yangjae when I can. Prices are more than you'd pay in the States.  Sometimes a lot more.  But, you get used to it and when you want it bad enough, you learn to just deal with it. I a say that, but I still refuse to pay 25,000 won for a watermelon!  I will pay almost 3,000 won for a can of black beans, though.  

                                                             Quade, my oldest son, loves to cook.  And, I let him.  

Here he added onion and octopus to ramen.  

There are two Butterfinger restaurants I have found.  One in Gangnam, one in Jeongja.  Both are expensive, but when you just need a taste of home...it's so worth it.  You gotta try the Orangeaid.  It's about 8,ooo won, but yummy.

This was lunch...I often feel like I'm on an extended vacation, so why not have breakfast for lunch?  With whipped cream!!  There's also a yummy waffle place in Irwon Station that smears banana or strawberry butter on the waffle, then folds it in half for you to eat.

Occasionally, we have to take pictures of what we want to show the person behind the counter.  I love my iPhone even more at times like this. 

Sometimes, you just need a taste of home.  And bacon.

When you find a good, cheap, and convenient place to eat, they will take care of you the more you go in.

More comfort food to keep some normalcy to our lives.  I can't find ready made pie crust, so I'm getting good at making my own.  Finding Campbell's cream of chicken wasn't too hard, but it's not just cream of chicken.  I've found different varieties I never saw in the States, like Cream of chicken and mushroom and Cream of chicken with herbs.  Both made this pot pie pretty scrumptious.  

Korean BBQ.  Need I say more?

I did a happy dance when I found this green chili salsa at Homeplus.  I only bought one jar, though, in case it wasn't any good.  MISTAKE!!  It was great, and they haven't had it since!

Pork cutlet is a good go-to food for kids.  Pretty normal breaded pork.  

Starbucks are everywhere!

When you don't have 6,000 won for a coffee, these coffees are at any convenience store and under 2,000 won.  You can have them hot or cold.  Add a yummy prepackaged pastry and viola!  Breakfast!

I get this ox-bone soup anytime I see it on the menu.  They say it's a great hangover soup.  Not that I'd know....  Restaurants provide water free as 'service'.  They don't seem to frown on you bringing in your own drink, as I did here, with my coffee.

   Though our year was pretty crazy, we managed to do some pretty cool things. Korea has so many areas to explore.  You can go to certain areas that sorta specialize in one thing or another.  My favorite places for day-trips this year were Dongdaemun for fabric and jewelry making, Itaewon for Western apparel and food...Taco Bell...(or to go hear people speaking English since it's right off the base), Myeongdong for clothes, Insadong for souvenir-type items, musical instruments, art supplies, Icheon for handmade pottery, and Gangnam for the cool underground clothes shops in the subway and trendy shops above ground.

   Here are some of the highlights:

Boryeong Mud Festival in July was a lot of fun.  Grown-ups playing in mud.  The boys actually got bored and spent most of their time at the beach looking for shells and starfish.  

Seoul Tower has amazing views of Seoul.  We took a tram to the top and then walked down hundreds of steps.  The walk is worth it because of more amazing views. 

Icheon, ceramic village.  These are kimchi pots.  

Insadong

Nakwon, near Insadong, musical instrument market.  Floor after floor, store after store of instruments.  Bandites would hear angels upon entering it's doors.

A ride on a tricycle in Lapu Lapu, Philippines.

The view from my chair on Bantayan Island, Philippines

Our trip to Mactan Island in the Philippines at Christmas was an adventure in itself!  But, after 6 weeks in the hospital with Quade for his splenectomy (see previous blog), we finally found our beach, and some serenity.  Once we left the bustle of Cebu and Lapu Lapu.  

Zane and I were privileged to attend the International Special Olympics in Pyeong Chang with Korea International School in January.  It was a chance of a lifetime to go to support our American special athletes, some of whom visited our school to put on a demonstration a few days before.

 Quade, Zane and I went with several other families for a long weekend of skiing at Yong Pyong.  This place will be a venue for the 2018 Winter Olympic Games.  We can watch the downhill and say we skied that run!

Dongdaemun is a crafter's paradise.  If you can sew.

Jeongja, just east of our dong is a great place to find good food.  It's a bit pricey, though.

Seoul National Forest is a neat place to spend the afternoon.  There's timed fountains the kids can run through on a hot day.

We went with a school-sponsored group for paintball!

Zane teamed up with two friends to do a triathlon.  He biked 15k.

Quade and I got our feet cleaned by some fish at Dr. Fish in Gangnam.  

Korea War Memorial is a somber but beautiful place.  The boys enjoyed looking at the military aircraft and vehicles on the grounds.

    The first year passed quickly.  I know this coming year will too.  I have yet to decide if we'll continue our stay here.  There are a lot of personal factors going into my decision.   But, I know for certain we will continue to have a great time exploring all this beautiful country has to offer!   

I got my hair did!

I got my hair did!  Ok, a really Okie way to put it, perhaps, but hey!  I did!  I'm not sure why on Earth I have put off getting my hair cut in Korea.  Especially at Juno Hair.  (Maybe it's my loyalty to Janelle at Beyond the Bridge in Durango who last cut my hair in June!)  But, I'd heard about this place from teachers who have been here a while.  I've heard it's an awesome experience from teachers who got here the same time as me, too.

So, yesterday, I walked to Sunae, found Juno Hair and headed up to the 2nd floor to make an appointment.  The receptionist spoke enough English to take my name and wrote me down to see Jessica the next day.

I got there a bit early with my freshly purchased White Chocolate Mocha from the Starbucks down the way.  I sat looking at a magazine while I waited for Jessica to appear.  This place is set up like a spa.  There's even a barista!  Jessica rounded the corner and introduced herself.  She spoke English.  ~I'm not sure why it's still such a treat to find people who do, but it is.~  She took my purse and umbrella and put them in a locker, then returned with the key and placed it around my wrist.  My coffee was placed behind the bar for keeping.  Next, she helped me into a robe and said we'd be going to 'counseling first'.  Great!  Hair therapy.  I need it.  

I opted for a moisturizer treatment along with my hair cut.  We started off washing my hair.  The first round of treatment happened in here as well.  Next, she had me to into another room where I took off my sneakers and was given slippers.  She placed a pillow behind my back as I sat in the chair.  I received another pillow for my lap on which she placed a very thick Glamour magazine.  In Korean.  But, who really reads the articles anyway, right?  Anyway...I sat under a humidifier for several minutes.  She left and came back with my coffee and a tray with goodies.  A quarter of a chocolate muffin, 2 Saltine crackers, and 3 pretzels.

As sat there with my slippers, in my robe, sipping coffee, nibbling on my yummies and flipping through a Glamour mag, I thought how I could certainly get used to this!  "When in Rome", right?

Oh, but wait.  "Last treatment" began.  With a scalp massage.  I almost fell asleep.  I laid there thinking, "I don't care how much this costs.  I'm 40, I deserve this!  Happy Birthday to me...all flippin' year!!!"

She did a great job on my hair!  I signed up for a free VIP membership!!!  I'm high falootin' know, folks!  She gave me a card, added a discount bar code sticker for next time and walked me to the elevator, making sure to tell me I need at home treatment too....if she only knew.....

Thoroughly relaxed and feeling lovely, despite the rain that was now coming down pretty hard, I enjoyed my walk to the bus stop.  I decided I'd go home, take a hot bath, drink a glass of bokbunjajoo and finish spoiling myself.

As I pulled out my phone to check the bus schedule, I realized I'd missed several calls from the kids while the phone was in the locker.

They quickly picked up and I was jolted back to reality as my youngest son, through his tears, told me their guinea pig had died before they got home from school.  After skipping the bus (it was 39 minutes away), I literally ran home to be with my kiddos.  As we finished burying Irene under a tree, using a spoon for a shovel, in our raincoats, using a flashlight, next to a beautiful granite rock, Zane added these final, heartfelt words:  "Irene, I hope you find Quade's spleen."  :*}

I didn't get my bath or my bokbunjajoo.  But, I was reminded that even though my kids are older, they still need to be comforted by Mom.  They still need me around to dry some tears, even though they pretend to be tough guys most of the time.

All the more reason to take care of me (every now and then) so I can be around longer to take care of them.

My Soapbox Moment

I recently heard someone I respect say that anyone can teach special education.  I have been a special education teacher for 18 years in K-5^th grade.  This is not just my job, my career.  I look at it as a calling.  So, this naturally bothered me.   My first thought was..."then why aren't all teachers special education teachers?" 

I have known many teachers in my career, which, in my opinion, would make great sped teachers, but they still needed me. Needed my expertise. 

Being in an introspective mood anyway, I’ve been contemplating why I chose to be a special education teacher.  What does it take? 

I remember being in Deanna Mendenhall’s 3^rd grade class at Central Elementary, Sand Springs, Oklahoma, USofA.  We would go down to the basement room that was the self-contained special education room.  The teaches would have to take students from their wheelchairs and carry them downstairs to the classroom.  Our class would read to the kids.  How varied were the students.  My special friend was a girl who was blind.  She would sit and rock back and forth as I read to her.   I think her name was Laura.  I thought she was beautiful.  And, I was hooked.

Special education teachers must be familiar with all aspects of the disabilities in the make up of each and every student we work with, from intellectual disabilities that are congenital to those that are a result of harm.  There are physical disabilities, health conditions, sensory disorders, mental illness and more.  Imagine a caseload of 35 + students!

We then have to take all aspects of the child and apply it to the education setting.  Figure out what’s best.  This model looks different for each and every child.  Each class, each teacher, each subject, each building, at home, in the community.  How does it effect?  How can I help?  How can I advocate?  Not only for the child, but teachers and often siblings, and parents as well.  Is this a child who needs me occasionally?  Do I need to be in the classroom, pull them out to see me?  Co-teach?  Provide modifications and accommodations within the regular classroom setting? 

Then, I must involve others.  Specialists…occupational, speech/language, physical therapists…social workers, counselors, audiologists, behavior specialists, school psychologists…to name a few.  Utilize school nurses, Educational Assistants. (and find time to train them)  Be familiar with psychological and psycho-educational assessments, how to read them, how to implement them, how to explain them to parents in layman’s terms.  I must be able to seek outside help for support as well.  I have to know people who know people.  We must know about assistive technology and how to adapt reading, math, science, social studies curriculum, music, PE, computer… life skills, social skills….

Keeping up with the ever-changing landscape education (endless requirements of an inept bureaucracy), disability research, best practices, assessments, progress monitoring.   The countless hours of preparation, working with other teachers, developing lessons for the students you have in your room, modifying lessons so they can be successful when they aren’t with you.  Tracking down teachers’ lesson plans, knowing every schedule.  What do you do with a child who can’t eat in the lunchroom because of anxiety?  Autism?  Are they being bullied. 

Did I mention isolation?  Feeling like people don’t like that you are bucking the system because you have a child who doesn’t ‘fit’ in the grand scheme of things? Working with a small number of students’ means you don’t get out much.  You’re on an island unto yourself much of the time.   Not to mention you get left out of staff decisions, get very little in the way of money for your classroom, and are often placed in the most remote recesses of the building.  The feelings at times are so overwhelming it is often difficult to grasp the immensity of this path I have chosen.

And, then the paperwork!  You must know your district requirements, State and Federal law.   Manifestation determinations, Functional Behavioral Assessments, Behavior Plans, Individual Educational Plans, lists of forms you on which must be proficient, because they ARE legal documents…. You must know how to make an IEP not just a document that stays in a locked, fire proof file cabinet, but, taking it, turning it into a living document that keeps everyone involved with that child on the same page, working toward a common goal.  

Did I mention patience? EVERY child on your caseload is a challenge.  You must balance their strengths and weaknesses.  You balance their relationship with the teachers.  You must be able to start with plan A and go to plan Z within the course of a lesson.  Then, pick someone else’s brain after school for another if that doesn’t work.  You are called on to put out every fire, either with administration, advocates, teachers, parents, or other children.  I have been bitten, kicked, punched, called evil words.  I have sprinted to catch a runaway child.   Restrained out of control children.  I have changed diapers, pushed wheelchairs, and wiped boogers.  I have fixed lunches, tested blood sugar levels.  Held them when they are hurting.  Cried when they cried.  Always remembering that there is a reason this child is acting this way.  Always trying my damnedest not to take it personally, but failing miserably in the attempt.

My goal has always been to make my children (and I’ve always referred to them as My Kids) successful in this LIFE.  To make them feel valued and accepted.  To make them feel that they are special, and that they can do it! 

I am so much more than an over-paid tutor! I’ve been known to obsess over a child, a problem I couldn’t solve, conflict with other teachers, who are my friends, regarding a child.  I go to bed thinking of the situation, even dreaming of what to do. 

I live for those light-bulb moments with my students.  I live for the challenge of finding the thing that makes it all come together for this child that God placed in my hands to advocate for, to educate. 

Has it been an easy calling?  Nope.  Would I do it again?  In a heartbeat.  My kids have made me pull my hair out, laugh through my tears, and above all appreciate the little triumphs in life. 

Now, dear administrator, tell me.  Can just anyone be a special education teacher?